Why People Shouldn't Jog

I wrecked my car in June. I really haven't wanted to talk about it, but here are the pictures. I turned left in front of an invisible Honda CRV that was going approximately 140 mph. I was driving over to Joanna's house to go jogging, of all things. I learned my lesson. Jogging is bad and dumb and ends with destruction and soreness. And Marion cops are assholes. The f'er gave me a ticket.

Anyway, here are pictures of poor totaled Bert. Derek came along and saw the accident and noticed me sitting on the curb, trying not to cry. He asked me to get in one of the pictures and give him a thumbs up. I declined. You can see me in the background of the second picture, trying not to cry. Note the gym shorts and tank top. I didn't go running that afternoon. I did get some killer muscle relaxants from Mercy Care, though.

Seriously

I went to Ruby Tuesdays against my will today. I thought we were going to the Irish Democrat when I got in the car. Suddenly, we were going the wrong way. I was with several people that had boners over the salad bar, so there was no point in arguing.

To my happy surprise, RT has a veggie burger. I double checked, since last time I ordered a "veggie loin" it was a tenderloin with a few vegetables on it. I stopped pouting about the ID Cheese Wontons I was missing.

Then, to my coworkers' delight, a waitress tripped, dropped her tray, and dumped an entire glass of water down my back.

Why the F does this stuff happen to me?