Normally, when I say "WTF," I'm not actually looking for a response. I really am this time. And I will swear upfront that I am not making this up. I'm not that creative.
A couple Saturdays ago, I was watching Mommie Dearest on SoapNet, of all things. The weekly 90210 mini-marathon had just ended and the remote was way over on the other side of the room, so I got hooked quickly. I've never actually seen it all the way through.
Anyway, the doorbell rang while Josh was in the shower. I tried to stick the asshole dogs outside, but Brownie was having none of it, so I just held onto his collar while I held the door open. There were three normal-looking teenage girls standing there. I'm guessing they were between 13 and 15, because if they were 16, they'd be out driving and having sex with boys, not tormenting the neighbors.
One of the girls had her back to me the entire time, which seems more and more strange every time I tell the story. Another had a huge mouthful of braces and just grinned at me the entire time. The third one did all of the talking.
Me: "Hey guys..."
Girl: "Hey!"
Me: "So... how's it going?"
Girl: "Great!"
*confused pause*
Me: "So... what's going on?"
Girl: "Nothing! What's going on with you?"
Me: "Um... nothing..."
*longer, more confused pause*
Me: "What do you guys need?"
Girl: "What do YOU need?"
*befuddled pause, followed by slight stammer*
Me: "What do you mean?"
Girl: "What do YOU mean?"
Me: "Why did you ring my doorbell?"
Girl: "Why did you ring MY doorbell?"
Me: "Joooooosh! There are creepy little girls at the door!"
Girl: "What did you want?"
Me: "What the... seriously, why are you at my house?"
Girl: "This is my house."
(I'll note that the little bitch never stopped smiling and had a very pleasant tone)
Me: "What the hell are you talking about? Who are your parents?"
Girl: "You want me to get my parents?"
Me: "Um, sure.... whatever..."
Girl: "I'll go get them."
Then the three assholes trotted off. I ran upstairs to tell Josh. First, I looked out our upstairs windows to see which house they were headed to, but they had disappeared.
I have a few theories:
1 - They were casing the joint. Thankfully, we have no valuables. Browndog is a deterrent, too.
2 - They were planning to slowly torture me and kill me after watching "Funny Games" the night before.
3 - They were vampires. I remember in "Salem's Lot," the vampires could only come in your house and turn you all undead if you invited them in. These girls were waiting for me to invite them in for lemonade, then all hell would've broken loose.
That's really all I have for reasonable explanations.
