Things I Will No Longer Be Ashamed Of

I saw "Forces of Nature" with Sandra Bullock in the theater. I watch it every time it comes on TV. I laugh my ass off when Abby from ER's ex sings Phil Collins to her.

When I pass dogs while I'm driving, I always say, "Heeey! What's that guy doing?" out loud.

"Hope Floats" makes me bawl. I've been known to squeal with delight when it comes on.

I would totally do Benicio del Toro, even when he's all fat and gross.

Pregnant people make me uncomfortable. They may even scare me.

The Zoloft commercial with the sad little bubble hopping around makes me sob like a little girl when I have my period. I feel so happy for him at the end when he's smiling and hopping a little bouncier, but it's so sad at the beginning.

While we're on that subject, the Cymbalta commercial does the same thing, especially when there are animals involved.

I'll post more as I think of them.

I Am Better Than...

I found out today that I'm an elitist. Who knew? I drive a 2001 POS and have not paid full price for any article of clothing since 1995, when I bought a pair of Doc Martens from Von Maur. I don't even think I pay full price at cheap stores like Payless and Old Navy. I also really love the Zio Johnno's lunch special. They have awesome veggie lasagne that comes with a hugeass basket of garlic bread AND a soda for $4.99. It's ridiculous. I'm actually a little choked up thinking about the buttery bread.

Anyway, I'm an elitist. According to Sarah Palin, this is "anyone who thinks that they're better than someone else."

That's bad news for me. I think that I'm better than a lot of people, including (but not limited to):

• Boob
• Anyone still working at ESP
• The douchy manager I had before Boob at ESP that works at Rockwell now
• All of Josh's ex-girlfriends
• All of my ex-boyfriends
• 99% of my students from LaGrange High School in Lake Charles, LA (this includes the kid that told me to lick his balls and the kid that said I fell off the stupid tree. Side note - I wonder what those little f'ers are doing now.)
• People that hunt bears
• People that wear fur
• People with non-ironic mullets
• Women whose husbands refer to them as "the wife"
• People that think AC/DC "rocks"
• People that own Creed CDs
• People that see movies like Norbit
• People that like the new Good & Fruity
• Michelle Bachmann
• Cat people
• Everyone eating at Applebees right now (I'm assuming)
• Sarah Palin

I could go on for days. Maybe I'll do a Part II later.