Tuesday, May 09, 2006

So Long, Suckers

Tomorrow is my last day at ESP. I start at Rockwell on Monday. Today, I had to train Boob on the 5 suppliers I suggested he take. He's already bitching about how much work it's going to be and how busy he already is. I still can't figure out what that tiny-handed, heinous polo shirt wearer does on a daily basis to keep him so "busy." I know Boobery takes time and energy, but there should be plenty of time to pitch in and cover for me after I leave. Anyway, it took me three hours to train him on 5 suppliers. Keep in mind, I have about 145 other suppliers that my coworkers are splitting up. They each needed about ten to twenty minutes to get up to speed on 145 suppliers. I'm not a math major, but these ratios seem to be a little off...

3:5 vs. 1:145

If you look at this long enough, the conclusion is simple: Boob is too stupid to be alive. But I heard that he's going to do something nice tomorrow, like order a cake. I'd rather have a case of beer, but he wasn't receptive to that when one of my coworkers suggested it.

Speaking of Boob, I TOTALLY busted that creepy little asshole checking out The Girls. I was pointing to something on the computer screen and when I looked to make sure he was paying attention, sure enough, he wasn't. His beady little eyes were not staying on task, unless the computer somehow transmits through my fabulous breasts. I stopped mid-sentence to give him a dirty look. He quickly turned pink and started nodding vigorously, as if my pause was only to allow him the opportunity to let me know he was paying attention, not an indication that I caught him (tiny) red-handed.

On an unrelated note, I had a kickass weekend. Josh and I took Friday off to hang out. We went to a wine tasting that started out classy but dissolved into drunken debauchery after the distributors left without taking all of their open bottles of wine. I sure did have those lighted Bud stickers on my boobies. There was another woman, twice my age (not that I have my age as an excuse for jackassery anymore, since I'm pushing 28) that stuck them under her sheer shirt, so it appeared that she was nipping out with red, glowing nipples. Some girls were making fun of the woman "with lights on her nipples" and my sister overheard it. Thinking they were talking about me, she toyed with the idea of starting a brawl to defend my honor. I'd love to hear her explaining her black eye to her 4th grade class the next day. "Teacher is okay, kids, she just got punched for pulling a woman's hair. It was all a big misunderstanding, because she wasn't really talking about my sister's nips. Remember, violence is never the answer. Now turn to page 46 in your math books."


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