Saturday, January 27, 2007


I knew some guys in college that would watch "Friends" just to see Courtney Cox and Jennifer Aniston nip out. Once they pointed it out, I realized that in every single episode, it would happen at least once. Before that, I knew that guys liked boobies but I really hadn't thought about the nipple factor. I just assumed guys liked boobs because they were big and bouncy, or something. I personally always thought that nipples were silly-looking (sort of like the entire male body).

Girls don't talk about nipples. We really should start, though. Boy Nipples are a hilarious thing. No one has any plausible explanation for them. Most people probably don't even notice Boy Nipples. I didn't give them a second thought, until one fateful night at my friend Bill's house.

I'd like to preface this next paragraph with a plea to Nipples's wife:
Nipples started this. I just have to explain why there are comments from a someone that refers to himself as "Nipples." I'd be mad if some stranger wanted to talk about Josh's nipples, but Josh's nipples don't have it coming like Nipples's nipples do. Don't be mad at me. Nipples deserves to have his story told.

My friend BIll has a friend that is constantly nipped out. After an evening with me, I think he probably understands how every woman with a cup size of A or better feels when no one will meet their eyes. I couldn't help but stare at his nipples. I can't tell you what color his eyes are, whether he has facial hair, or whether he even has a face. I just know that he has the perkiest nipples I've ever seen on any man, woman, or beast. They seemed to thrive on the attention, too. The more I talked about them, the more they wanted to hang out and be noticed. They were the Paris Hilton of nipples. She doesn't deserve her fame, but the more she's seen in public, the more poeple want to talk about her.

I bet right now, wherever they are, whatever the temperature the room is, they're at full attention. They're probably flattered that they get a whole blog entry devoted entirely to them, especially knowing that I haven't blogged about my first time skiing, my Christmas break, or the cruise we just got back from. I can't help it, though. They have a hold on me.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

You ARE a lyrical gansta!

3:10 PM  

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