Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Son of a...

My favorite holiday in terms of candy is Valentine's Day. I love the jelly hearts and sour cherries, but my absolute favorite was, up until about 2 hours ago, the cheap little Necco conversation hearts. They come in individual boxes, cost about a quarter per box, and taste a little like Tums. Or chalk. Or BenGay.

A couple months ago, I decided to take the meatless thing a step further and eliminate gelatin completely. I had read an article about how prevalent it is, so I started looking out for it. I have always thought that the concept of gelatin was nasty, so when I found out about the marrow and hooves and stuff, I quit eating the obvious sources. Reading the article grossed me out enough to quit eating Junior Mints (Marrow Mints), Altoids (seriously. Why the F is there gelatin in Altoids?), marshmallows (which sucks ass, because I love Rice Krispie treats. All is not lost, however... Scotchies are even better and use corn syrup and peanut butter instead), and most gummy bears, including Gummi Savers.

Tonight Josh and I were at Hy-Vee, getting FlexAll to ease my bruised and broken body (another blog entry is forthcoming. Sit tight, you impatient ass) and looking for cookies without trans fat. I saw the display of chalky conversation hearts and made a beeline. I picked the box that seemed to have the fewest green soap-flavored hearts and joined Josh in the checkout.

A side note... a guy that Josh knew was in line in front of us. He had a Tombstone pizza and a sixer of Miller Lite tallboys. That spells single and lonely to me, but Josh says the guy has a girlfriend, and she's a stripper. Either it was her night to work, or his "hot stripper girlfriend" actually lives in "Canada" and no one's ever really seen her.

Anyway, I got home and went to town on the box of hearts, until I happened to glance at the ingredients and noticed that GELATIN was one of the f'ing ingredients. Why the F would they need to put gelatin in crunchy candy hearts? It's f'ing bullshit. I can say bullshit, right? I forgot Josh's rules. So I threw out the rest of the stupid delicious hearts.

While I was sitting here and suddenly got all freaked out about the cherry jel hearts and sour cherries. I Googled it and found out that I'm okay, as long as those bastards at Brach's didn't leave out any ingredients on their website just to cruelly get my hopes up. Both candies contain Carnuba wax, though, whatever the F that is. I guess it doesn't matter, because after the trip I plan to make to Hy-Vee tomorrow, I'll have a belly full of it.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

meatless thing?,

"Meat is Murder"... yummy yummy YUMMY murder!


8:54 AM  
Blogger Molly said...

Who the F wrote that? Seriously.

6:39 PM  
Anonymous Molly said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry, it was meant to be funny, we see you at Bill B's occasionally. I think they keep their home a few degrees cooler and my nipples aren't used to it. Hence to nickname chosen by u. Anyway... I'm not a blogger and I don't fit the other cat. so I must be anonymous and therefore noncontactable... that is a word, don't look it up, leave it alone... please?
And though I'm no fan of the mullet, remember Abraham Lincoln had one. So if it happens again, be proud... until it is repaired.

8:28 AM  
Anonymous Molly said...

Hahahaaaa... Nipples! I think I'm going to make a separate blog entry about the nipples. Sorry my replies were bitchy. I just thought you were saying nipples because it's a funny word, not because it's your NAME. I take it all back. Stay tuned.

6:43 PM  

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