Monday, November 28, 2005

Censorship, Oppression, and Communism

I got scolded at lunch today. There have been plenty of lunches when I've deserved a scolding, like the time I blew a bunch of money on shoes and jeans that I didn't need all within 30 minutes because I had PMS, or the time I drank about a gallon of Bud Light within 2 hours, or the time I had to nap in an empty office because I had a raging hangover. Today, however, I had done nothing wrong, unless the First Amendment has been revoked in the last few days. I haven't been reading the paper, so it could've happened without me knowing.

If you are offended by any words that would not be said during a Catholic mass, please do not continue. If you are offended by words that aren't said on network television, you might be okay, but hey... better safe than sorry. Go read Garfield or something, douchebag.

Josh disapproved of my use of the f-bomb in a post about Maggie and Brownie. I was trying to espress Maggie's extreme disapproval of other dogs that try to take her ball when she's playing fetch. Josh tells me that I could say "mess with" instead of "fudge with", but I think it loses its power. There's something about the f-bomb that really conveys what other words cannot. Alas, the power of that word has been stripped from me by my oppressive husband. What's next? What else can he take from me? Am I going to have to give up my job? Quit reading? Start cooking? Start having babies? Whatever Josh wants, I suppose. He IS the man of the house and just wants a respectable wife he can parade around town.

His original justification is that little kids might be reading this. WTF? Oh, I should ask him if "WTF" is okay. While it doesn't actually USE the f-bomb, most people know what it stands for. I wouldn't want to be responsible for some innocent person thinking the f word. The thought police could be listening. Anyway, WTF would some little kid be doing reading this? For one thing, they can find much worse things by misspelling "". MUCH worse. And it's not like I'm passing out this address to elementary school kids. I'm sure Steve and Amy go home and read this to Jack and Luke. Seriously, Josh.

I suppose there are some people out there that may be shocked at my nasty habits and filthy language, but again, if you don't know me well enough to already know that shit (I can say "shit" if I want. Josh said as long as they've said it on network TV, I'm okay. They said "shit" on NYPD Blue. I only know that because South Park did a spoof on it), then you shouldn't be reading this. What are you doing on our webpage, anyway? Creepy-ass stalker.

Speaking of shit, I'm surprised he didn't say something about the No Shit Sherlock post. I think "shit" is a much worse-sounding word. Oh, and speaking of that post, that same woman trapped me at my desk today. I had loaned a movie to a guy I work with, and she had to comment about it. No matter how quickly I interrupted her with my bored-sounding "Uh-huh" or how determined I was to continue typing while she prattled on, she still didn't get it. She was going on about how she didn't like scary movies and how she would just send her husband over to watch it with me. No fudging thanks, dumbass.

Anyway, my original idea was to post this, but to use The Word in every sentence, but only a few people would truly appreciate it. The rest would think I'm just a foul-mouthed asshole. That may be true, but then they'd have proof. It was going to be funny, though. I was going to use it in every possible combination and make up words like fudgenstein, fudgenheimer, fudgidy-fudge, etc. Oh well, F it. F it right in the A.


Anonymous JB said...



9:09 PM  

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