Happy Whore-oween

Since when is Halloween an excuse for girls to look as slutty as possible? I saw some serious ass cheeks at the bar Saturday night. Granted, most of the girls were little and could get away with wearing half-shorts with fishnet stockings, but some were not. Has it always been like that? I think Halloween and I think about witches and ghosties and scary clowns, not slutty bunny rabbits and nekkid sluttier cops. The female cops I've seen are fully clothed and plain looking, usually with some sort of femmullet.

We went to a Halloween party Saturday night at a friend of Beej's. It was kind of strange. It was very bright, there was no music, and everyone was just kind of looking around at each other. I didn't know the people there very well, and poor Lorelle and Chris didn't know a soul. THAT is why God and Jose Cuervo invented tequilla. A few games of Flippy Cup and some upside-down margaritas later, everyone seemed much more friendly and I fancied myself the life of the party.

I'm blaming Advil on an empty stomach for the way I felt the next day, not the tequilla and beer and Pucker (stupid Beej and his stupid random bottles of liquor... he pulled that shit at the Iowa/ISU game. Who brings apple flavored vodka to a tailgate? Then again, who brings twenty skanky Hawkeye sorority girls to a tailgate? But that's another story for another day) and champagne punch and j-bombs and more beer. Plus I hadn't eaten anything the night before but a few random party snacks. Oh, and some drunken popcorn, but by then it was MUCH too late. Anyway, Sunday sucked ass pretty much all day. I'm twenty-seven years old. I'm too old for hangovers like that. Putting me in front of unlimited booze is like letting Maggie loose at the Royal Fork. We don't have that inner voice that tells us to knock it off. She at least has the excuse of being a dog. I got nothin.